Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Parent Bullies

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
Man In the Mirror - Michael Jackson
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Using aggression as a parenting style leads to serious problems for those children and how they will grow up to deal with the adult world. The kids have two choices: they can be a victim, because that’s the role they’ve been assigned in their family, or they can be aggressive/abusive bullies, because that’s what was modeled for them.  We can always say people parent the way they were parented, but that’s not an excuse for not getting skills more suited to this day and age. Talk is cheap. We have to model appropriate behavior if we are to expect it of our children. There’s a lot of talk, activities, organizations and demonstrations. There are also a lot of cases of bullying everyday – all day.
Parents as Bullies:  Anchorage, Alaska Jessica Beagley, the mother of six who was seen punishing her 7-year-old son with hot sauce and cold showers in a video that aired on the “Dr. Phil” show, was charged with child abuse on Friday January 28, 2011. The 36 year old woman’s lawyer’s defense is that the city is intruding into a family matter.  He claims she’s done nothing that would warrant a criminal charge for child abuse. “If this hadn't showed up on 'Dr. Phil,' there wouldn't be anybody saying anything about it.”  Perhaps that’s the problem – no one would have said anything. The woman’s husband, Gary Beagley, is an Anchorage police officer, but he's not under investigation.
So basically, the boy could not be saved from bully abuse given by his mother. The other authority figure in the house, policeman father was no help. The boy and his twin brother were adopted from Russia when they were 5 years old.
For those adults who say their parents used hot sauce to discourage finger sucking, this is no comparison.  Putting hot sauce on a finger that can be redrawn from the mouth by the child is much, much different from a child required to use the hot sauce as mouthwash – swishing for two minutes.
If the child had psychological problems at adoption, having to hold hot sauce in his mouth is not going to help the issues. According to msnbc.com report, the twins were abandoned by their mother at approximately two years of age. They spent at least two more years under state care in Russia before being adopted. We have no idea what experiences the kids endured.
In Gulfcrest, Alabama - Mobile County Deputies arrested Elizabeth Majors November 2010 after WKRG News 5 aired cell phone video of a fight between the woman's daughter and another girl at a school bus stop. Major's daughter is accused of bullying the unidentified girl’s younger brother.  Elizabeth Majors accused of pulling a gun and threatening the school bus driver who was trying to break up the fight.
The right to keep and bear arms is the assertion that people have a personal right to "weapon(s)" for individual use. The Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States does not give the right for a mother to pull a gun so her daughter can bully unrestrained.  Just a bully giving birth to a bully. The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence
More From the Crime Desk:  A gang of six teens were arrested and charged with kidnapping, unlawful restraint and related offenses for dragging a 13-year-old student through the snow, tossing him in a tree and hanging him by his coat on a metal fence post. Most disturbing, there were other people around including adults who did not intervene nor call 911. The whole bullying abuse was videotaped. The attack occurred in Upper Darby, PA January 2011. Video shows the terrified teen screaming for the boys, aged 13-17, to stop pummeling him.
Realistically today if a group of six male teens are being disruptive, most single adults fear for their safety also.  That does not excuse the fact that no one called police or videotaped the teens for later identification.  So once again, who can the kids depend on for help? Children and Bullying: How Parents and Educators Can Reduce Bullying at School

That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)